Rebelling.....

And all the people saw the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the noise of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking: and when the people saw [it], they removed, and stood afar off. And they said unto Moses, Speak thou with us, and we will hear: but let not God speak with us, lest we die. And Moses said unto the people, Fear not: for God is come to prove you, and that his fear may be before your faces, that ye sin not. Exodus 20:18-19

According to the eternal purpose which he purposed in Christ Jesus our Lord: In whom we have boldness and access with confidence by the faith of him. Wherefore I desire that ye faint not at my tribulations for you, which is your glory...

The Lord's ways are indeed mysterious...a dear friend sent me the passages above in an email a few days ago...God's timing is impecable since she had no idea where I was at...the Lord had them on her mind and she thought to share some things with me.

Wherefore I desire that ye faint not at my tribulations for you, which is your glory... I was busy fainting alright! I am still feeling like I have been rolled over by a truck emotionally. His tribulations for me is my glory?! Yes, but...I hate the journey...

Sometimes life seems harder than it should be...and perhaps we just make it harder than it has to be. I have really rebelled against the tribulations...was saying "No, Lord, it is too hard, to unfair, it hurts too much, and I don't want the job you have for me, etc, etc... Then after much rebelling in my spirit...He showed me Ps. 106...where it talks about the Israelites rebelling at the Red Sea and how even though they rebelled He parted it and made a dry path for them to walk thru to the other side.

I found myself close to the end of myself and desperately crying out for him to change my heart. I said "I need to hear you on this Lord" and He remained silent. Was I just standing too far off like the Israelites who were too afraid to hear His voice? Or was He just trying to tell me something greater than words can express thru the silence? We are escape artists...we want the easy way...we want the path of no resistance but like He said to me a while back... "I love you too much to deliver you from this at this time."